My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word.
I agree. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall – she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) .she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening Ingrid’s husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital – (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don’t die…. they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. 

It only takes a minute to read this… 

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke… totally . He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. 

RECOGNIZING A STROKE 
Thank God for the sense to remember the “3″ steps, STR . Read and Learn! 

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple

questions: 

S * Ask the individual to SMILE. 

T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. It is sunny out today)

R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS. 

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. 

New Sign of a Stroke ——– Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another ‘sign’ of a stroke is this: Ask the person to ‘stick’ out 

his tongue.. If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the

other , that is also an indication of a stroke. 

My wife asked,  ‘Do you know her?’  ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…..

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered ’1 ‘
ON PURPOSE!
1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problemonlyif you want help solving it. That’s what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the  other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus didNOTneed directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not Acolor. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have noidea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like
nothing’s wrong.  We know you are lying , but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you
don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…
Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball orgolf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will
not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

‘Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.’

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,
‘I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality
control department at Johnson & Johnson.’

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS
SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A
PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

The Wal-Mart greeter said pleasantly, ‘Good morning, and welcome to
Wal-Mart. Nice looking children you have there, are they twins?’

The loud woman stopped yelling and said, ‘Hell no, they ain’t. The oldest
one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins?
Are you blind, or just stupid?’

‘Neither, Ma’am,’ replied the greeter. ‘I just couldn’t believe you got
laid twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’

Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, ‘Look at this!  It’s a frickin’ elephant!’

‘It’s a frickin’ elephant! It says so on the picture!’

And so it does…

‘ A f r i c a n  Elephant ‘

Hooked on phonics!    Ain’t it wonderful?

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, ‘If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?’

‘No, I had to stop drinking years ago’,
the homeless woman told me.

‘Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?’ I asked.

‘No, I don’t waste time shopping,’ the homeless woman said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’

‘Will you spend this on a beauty salon
instead of food?’ I asked.

‘Are you NUTS !’ replied the homeless woman.
‘I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!’

‘Well,’ I said, ‘I’m not going to give you the
money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.’

The homeless woman was shocked.
‘Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’

I said, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after
she has given up shopping,
hair appointments, and wine.’

Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here’s the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No “Watson’s Movement 2″. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning.

Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn’t until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me. Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m referring to that “Uh oh, gotta go” pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt.

In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.

I don’t know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here’s what I mean, and I’m sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could’ve warned that poor woman but didn’t. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees.

This, of course , made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh.

Here’s the thing. When you laugh, it’s hard to keep things “clamped down”, if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I’d make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable “Oh my, Oh my”, floating above the toilet seat because my butt is burning SO BAD, purging.

One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of “Shock and Awe”. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, ” Oh h h h!”, then quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, “Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.

That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me.

The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, “IT’S YOU!”, then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson’s. I can’t say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. They claim they’re going to have to repaint the store.